“I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date!” My apologies for a late posting — I wasn’t feeling well last night and fell asleep unexpectedly. But never fear – we are here with a fabulous-sounding rec by FluffyLiz. As always, please share with everyone what you’ve been reading. –Loving40s
The Penitent by counselor (Complete)
Reviewed by FluffyLiz
I have recently discussed with my fellow administrators here at Twi-Fic Reviews, Loving40s and EdwardIsAVilf, the fact that it is getting harder to find well-written, originally plotted Twilight fan fiction – you know, the ones that make you want to keep reading into the dead of night, fueled by too much caffeine and tobacco, only coming up for air when the birds start singing and the dawn slides inexorably across the sky, leaving you wondering how you’ll stay awake at work that day. The conclusion I came to is that, after some four years, there is very little that is new or surprising anymore, and all that sets one fic above another these days is the quality of the writing. But still holding out hope of finding those hidden gems, you can imagine my delight when I came across today’s spotlighted fic, The Penitent by counselor, which was rec’d by one of RAoR h00rs over on Facebook.
Let me come clean right from the outset – for maybe the first third of the story, perhaps more, I had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on! Was Edward a vampire? An alien? An angel? Nope, no clue. As for Bella, was she real? And if she was, why was she so stuck, so isolated… so unseen? And what was happening in the outside world? Now, before I succeed in putting you off, let me just say that, despite my confusion, I was totally drawn in and held fast by the amazing writing – yes, I had found that dazzling gem, a story with a highly original premise, told in beautiful, spellbinding prose. To say I was hooked from the very first few lines is no exaggeration:
I think of an aerial view, a gray geometric grid of lines, angles and ants. Focus down. I am a speck, seated in St. James Cathedral, located in the center of the highest crime area in this gritty city that smells of oil refineries and burning hops.
A celluloid of four seasons moving through a clicking projector. We are at late winter. A calendar torn, months blowing rapidly past. Stop on February. A pocket watch, cracked glass face, through it the hour shows midnight.
How do I précis such a story without giving away major plotlines? Bella lives inside a crumbling, vaulted cathedral in what seems to be a city which has descended into disease, anarchy and chaos. There, where she serves Father Charles as he stumbles and rasps his way through mass to his dwindling and sickly congregation, she is safe but utterly alone. But one night, crawling on his knees, a penitent slides into her sight and her life and nothing will ever be the same again. There are transformations, but not in the way we have become familiar with – in fact, the most significant changes are those wrought upon Edward by Bella… or perhaps it was ever thus.
But this is not just a tale of love, it’s about so much more than that. I don’t want to go into further detail, as that would be a significant spoiler, but little, at first, is what it seems. All the usual suspects are present, with the notable – and welcome – exception of Jacob, and this is, by turns, a supernatural love story and a gothic horror tale. In all honesty, I don’t know if it will appeal to the majority; all I know is that you are unlikely to read anything else quite like it and that if you decide to try it you should just give yourself over to the lyricism of the words – and completely suspend your disbelief, something we have surely all learned to do since Twilight smacked us between the eyes!
SUMMARY: A Cathedral at midnight. Bella never celebrated. Edward never seen. She’s dried leaves. Is that his trench-coat flapping or a pair of broken wings? The world is ending. It’s time for her to come out of her cocoon. It’s time for Edward to fly.
Have you read Penitent? If yes, click HERE to rate the story.
CLICK ON ‘COMMENTS’ BELOW TO JOIN IN TODAY’S CHAT
Hey Loving40s, hope you feel better! “The Penitent” is actually complete, I PDF’d it last week and it will be going into my tablet soon.
Have any of you guys heard of Emergency Beta Services? I saw it mentioned in one of the groups on FB that I’m in and I was urged by members to sign up for it because they are always in need of betas. The application consisted of several grammar questions, a poorly-written summary and two paragraphs from a story that needed help. I failed the grammar because I did not know the technical name for a comma that goes before the conjunction “and” and also what the rule is for that??? Also, there were many questions about which was proper: dreamt or dreamed; toward or towards, etc. I know that they depend on the country of the author but that is not the answer they were looking for. They would not tell me the answer in case I wanted to try again so I guess they ask the same questions all the time.
Regarding the summary, they said they liked my ideas but said there were other things that needed to be changed. Can I point out that these changes are to THEIR liking. Not everybody likes things to read a certain way. Am I right or am I wrong? And they totally did not like the suggestions I made for the other two paragraphs. Passing score is a 70 and I was given a 63 but told to take several courses to brush up on my grammar and try again in a couple of months.
I was so upset I burst into tears. I am not a stupid person, not by any means and I really took offense to the things I was told. Now I know what an author feels like when people say critical things about the story. I feel like such an idiotic loser! UGH.
Wow! I reckon that my English grammar is pretty damn good and I have no clue what the technical term is for a comma which goes before “and”. And you’re right about such things as “dreamed” or “dreamt” – I think it’s very much the difference between American English and UK English. For instance, I note that most Americans say “kneeled” where I would say “knelt” and so on. As for changes to “improve” a story, well, again, as you say, that’s got to be pretty subjective and there surely is no right or wrong answer.
I think, judging by this, I wouldn’t have got a pass mark either! Which, without being arrogant, is ludicrous.
Thanks for making me feel better, Liz. What do they know, right?
I wish I would have printed out the application before I hit “submit” so I would have had something to show you.
I think a comma after ‘and’ is called an Oxford comma. No idea about the rules for the use of it though!
As you and Liz have pointed out regarding the other points, it will depend on what form of English you are using.
Don’t get too discouraged, they sound really bloody picky!!
Yeah, that was it. An oxford comma. Should I be crucified because I never heard of such a thing? They didn’t teach me that in school that I can remember.
oopsie. thanks for the heads up….i think i just assumed it was WIP because it was a FluffyLiz review! LOL. I have edited the post.
Ah, Mauigirl, big hugs. But don’t fret…it happens to the best of us. I have a BA degree in English and am credentialed to teach high school english. When I submitted my fanfic story to Under The Radar, they wouldn’t accept it unless the grammar was improved. And that was with me editing it as well as two beta friends! The good thing was they said that the writing was good; it just needed some punctuation changes.
I think it is less important that a beta knows the technical names of rules and such and more important they know when to use a semi-colon and when not to use it.
Can you post the link for the application? I might take the test myself just for shits and giggles.
Just an fyi…I rarely use correct grammar/punctuation when posting here. I’m in a rush usually, so I just yammer on without worrying about punctuation. Dont’ judge me based on my posts — I promise that my story does not have run-on sentences or comma splices! LOL
It’s http://www.emergencybetaservices.com. I’d be real interested in seeing how you make out. I’m sure you’re light years better than I am but I didn’t think I was a lightweight the way they made me out to be. They take like 2-3 days before they get back to you.
the link didn’t work, but i found it. It is http://emergencybeta.com/
Mauigirl, I took a look at the app. I’m not going to submit it because I’d hate to take their time when I’m not serious about being a beta. I barely have the time to write my own fic, let alone beta anyone else’s story.
I actually quite like their application questions, except for the one asking which example is an oxford comma. As has been stated here, it is more important that a beta knows how to use one, not what it’s called.
Of the three passages that you are asked to correct, the first one is subjective. However, the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs need punctuation corrections, as well as verb tense confusion correction. So those are rather objective.
But overall, it is a rather challenging quiz, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
I don’t know which ones I got wrong; apparently, most of them given the score they gave me. I knew there were punctuation and verb tenses changes but they told me they were looking for more input from me. I don’t exactly know what they want, was I supposed to rewrite the whole passage? I could have googled all the terms to figure them out. Who remembers what future perfect was? I’m sure you do, but high school was 34 years ago for me. While I remember every detail of my senior prom, verb tenses I do not.
I am not a grammar expert, in fact, it was my worse subject in school. I was a math/science type of person therefore, my degree is a technical degree.
That being said, I would think they would care less about what the proper name of a comma was, and more in the fact you understand where and how to use them.
The official name of something is memorization. The interpretation and implementation of those rules is a separate issue. Just because you know the name of something, doesn’t mean you can properly use them.
Shake it off Maurigirl.
Obviously emergency rules for a Beta are different than normal Beta ones. I read stories sometimes that have supposedly been beta’d, but are still atrocious.
Yes, Diann, I have definitely read stories that were advertised as beta’d by somebody that they name outright. I am left thinking that I would never want my name on a project that was so awful but I thought I was the only one who felt that way.
OK, stories I read this week:
You Found Me, which I reviewed on your site. Heartbreakingly realistic and I have first-hand knowledge since, at some time in my life, I have played the part of Bella and Edward. The grammar got progressively worse in the story as you went on, almost like the beta she may have had went AWOL. Sometimes I was rereading sentences over and over because of a typo that made one word into the wrong word. But I got past that and continued to the end.
The story I started this morning is Brown Study by littlesecret84. It’s very good, structure-wise, it’s got a lot of mystery to it and a complex Edward. The characters are way OOC. I will see how this develops as the day goes on. After my little beta fiasco, I’ll be drowning my sorrows in this story and the fabulous chocolate fudgy brownies I baked.
Oh, I LOVED You Found Me, such a good story. It’s a long time since I read it as a WIP, so can’t remember the typos, but I obviously was so captivated by the story that I was able to overlook them too. Such a hot Edward!
I’ve had Brown Study bookmarked for absolutely ages. Just put it on my tablet, so will hopefully get round to reading it soon.
I’m so excited you read You Found Me. I read it a very long time ago and loved it . . . maybe because, unfortunately, I can very much relate to this Bella. I was not as picky about grammar a couple years ago, so I don’t even remember the grammar problems.
As for Brown Study, I know it was talked alot about some time ago and that many loved it. I just remember it was one that I didn’t finish reading for one reason or another, so I’ll be curious to see if you liked it or not.
And brownies sound fantabulous!
I’m crying on and off with Brown Study because it is a story of “better to have loved and lost than not loved at all.” The couple in question are still trying to find their way back to each other. She is single and he has a girlfriend and he has professed his love to her over and over (Bella, not the girlfriend) but still stays with the girlfriend. He won’t physically cheat on his girlfriend but he has been having an emotional affair for months. I sometimes think the emotional affair is so much worse than a physical one.
And yeah, Loving40s, I was both the Bella in a relationship and the Edward in You Found Me. The Edward part was of course way before I was married and I found out 6 months later he was married when I was so involved with him and didn’t have the strength to end it. He also had many other women in addition to me that I had no idea of either. I think that was when I finally became an adult.
The Bella portion was about 5 years ago when we first moved to Atlanta and I was going through a midlife crisis of sorts. I’ve always thought it would make a good fanfic but don’t quite know how to get it down onto paper. I walked away from that one and let the person go.
Ugh….both of your experiences sound pretty rough.
I relate to Bella in my current marriage, unfortunately. It’s been a rough year.
I’m sorry to hear that, Loving40s. My Bella was in my current marriage also. I can’t tell you how many times I was ready to leave my husband and in the end, stayed. He’s my best friend and we are just two roommates and the passion is what I am and was missing that led me to be Bella. At my age, I don’t think passion is fleeting and not all that it’s cracked up to be, but a true best friend is hard to find. Don’t get me wrong, reading these stories the way I do has me longing for a passionate relationship but I don’t ever act on it anymore.
It sounds like we’re twinners.
As Mauigirl points out, The Penitent is complete (I thought I put it on the copy I prepared for posting but will have to check – if I didn’t, then apologies for the confusion).
You did, Liz. I was just in such a rush to post this morning that I overlooked it.
Not much to talk about today – as I started so many stories last week, I haven’t got into anything else new since then.
I’m really enjoying Katinki’s new story, Fic on the Fly, which is the one she’s writing using prompts from reviews. I’m in awe that she can do this, and do it so well. It really is good. Short chapters, and no clue how long it will be, but it’s awfully good so far.
I’ve got that on alert also, anything by katinki is always worth a try.
Oh I know what else I read this week: Stockholm Syndrome. Has anyone else read it? Totally not what I expected at all. The real definition of Stockholm Syndrome lies in the story “Hide and Drink” which blew this one totally out of the water and clear across the continent. It was OK, had some grammar issues, and a very OOC cast.
I did have this author’s stories bookmarked but deleted them all as a personal protest over some rather unpleasant things she said about Icy, and also for ranting at people PDFing her fics.
Yeah, I remember that. I tried to stay out of that one. I have a lot of her stories on PDF also but I don’t think I’ll be reading anymore.
Good am/pm girls! Fluffy, I was so taken by yr review that I went straight to my Robsten Angels board and to ADF and rec’d it w/o even reading the story. To me, yr review was a story in itself. Of course, after a good glass of water, I went to the story and I must say I’m bawling my eyes out.
Thank you.
This week, I’ll hv to put my addiction to the side, just received a big manuscript to type/review so *sad panda*…
To both you fluffy and maui never ever let anyone put you down. You have been nothing but respectful readers and reviewers. *flip’em the bird*
Joyful Sunday!
You are such a sweetheart, xspreadmywings. Thank you so much for your very kind words. It’s people like you that make doing this worthwhile.
Thank you so much, xpreadmywings. It means a lot to me to be able to have somewhere to go and not be put down.
Shush….I am the one who thank you sisters…and just for the records, I am Muse, just Muse *wink wink*
Peaceful night and a fantastic week!
See yall next Sunday!
Morning everyone. Is there a word for beyond exhaustion?
Last week M-F I worked 72 hours. At work by 6am and left well after 9pm most nights. Been that way the past several weeks. We had a huge 6 month project we were working one and were running behind.
That being said, I have not had time to read hardly anything. Spent yesterday morning reading the updates to my wips that came in this past week.
I have also spent the past month trying to get through Blackdaggerhood series. I am up to book 5. Half way through the series. Those that are friends with me on goodreads can see my review of those books.
I know I have been MIA for the past several weeks, I get by eventually and see what everyone has rec’d, it is just way later. Don’t worry, I have been MIA everywhere!!
Today is washing clothes, and reading, and catching up with the Rob blogs.
Miss everyone
Miss you too, RDM. Gosh, those are some long hours – it’s a long time since I had to work that hard, but I know the depth of exhaustion you must be feeling right now. Hopefully it will ease soon and you can get some decent rest.
So good to “see” you, RD. WOW…bless your heart…working that much I’m sure you barely had time to do anything but…
I’ve barely read anything this week-a week from hell. Have no time to post now since I haven’t finished packing and I have a 6AM flight to fla. May or may not have internet connection. So my recommendations may have to wait for next week sorry. Hope everyone had a good one.
I was just wondering about you, BB, and thinking of texting you to make sure you were okay since you are rarely MIA from this site on sundays lately.
Hope you enjoy Florida! (((hugs)))